The Witch With the Glitch Page 5

  “Oswald! Nina!” Ivy shouted from up ahead. “It’s here. We found it!”

  Nina and Oswald rushed forward, pushing through branches that twanged back and thwacked them when they let go until they came upon the castle of Van Helsing.

  “Well, that is the most rubbish castle I’ve ever seen,” said Nina.

  “Ruh-huh,” agreed Oswald.

  “I mean it looked pretty bad from the air but down here it’s just… rubbish.”

  The ‘castle’ was a small, two storey house that probably had two or three downstairs rooms and a couple of bedrooms above. In fact, the only things that were castle-ish about it were that it had iron bars over the windows and a square tower attached at one side. Well, I say ‘tower’… it was only slightly taller than the roof of the house itself and looked like it might be made from medieval Lego bricks.

  “You should knock,” said Ivy.

  Nina approached the heavy wooden door and gave three loud bangs. “Mr Van Helsing?” she said in a loud, clear voice. “Are you in?”

  There was a scampering noise from inside the house, the sound of someone quickly moving around. A moment later a panel in the door, which was also protected by iron bars, opened and a man’s face peered out. The man’s eyes were blue and he had reddish hair, that was brushed back out of his face, and a large, square chin.

  “Halloo? Who are you?” He had a singsong voice that went up and down in pitch with every syllable. “What do you want with me?”

  “Hello,” said Ivy. “We are—”

  The man screamed and slammed the hatch in the door shut.

  Nina turned to Ivy. “I bet he could see through you. He probably got scared. Hang on…” She approached the door once more and gave another three loud bangs. “Mr Van Helsing?” she repeated. “We didn’t mean to frighten you. Can we talk to you please?’

  The panel in the door opened once more and the man peered out. This time he looked carefully at Ivy, then Nina, then Oswald in turn.

  “No. Go away,” he said and slammed the panel shut once more.

  Oswald gave a little whine and his tail, which had been proud and wagging behind him, was dipped down forlornly between his back legs.

  “Urgh,” said Ivy. “How come we always end up with someone who’s doolally?”

  Nina approached the door for a third time and gave three loud bangs. “Mr Van Helsing?” she said. “We know you’re in there. We need your help. Please?”

  There was no sound. No scampering about, no locking of doors. Nothing.

  “What are we going to do?” asked Nina. “I honestly don’t think he’s going to open the door.”

  Ivy grinned a wicked grin.

  “Doors?” she smiled. “Who needs doors?”

  Nina suddenly realised what her friend was thinking and a smile crept across her face too. “Oh yeah,” she said.

  Oswald gave an excited bark and jumped left and right, wagging his tail.

  “What are you doing out there?” The singsongy voice sounded muffled but could still be heard from inside the little house. “Go away or I’ll… erm… well… I’ll… Oh I'm not sure. Just go away. Or I’ll call… I’ll call someone for help. I don’t know who but I’ll call someone!”

  “Is it me or does he sound a bit Swedish to you?” asked Ivy with a giggle.

  “What are you waiting for?” Nina reached to give her friend a shove but, remembering that she couldn’t touch her, just wafted her hand in a kind of half-wave in front of her instead.

  Ivy grinned even wider and took a couple of steps back before breaking into a sprint, running straight toward Van Helsing’s front door.

  “I’m warning you I’ll call for help! I’ll call for someone!”

  Unfortunately, Ivy hadn’t exactly been expecting to find Van Helsing himself huddled on the other side of the door, cowering with his back to her. Ivy ran straight through the door then straight through Van Helsing too, before skidding to a halt half way in and half way out of a table once more.

  Van Helsing slowly drew himself up to his full height. He stared, wide-eyed at Ivy and raised both of his hands into the air, holding them up in front of his face. As he stared, a gooey jelly-like substance ran down and dripped from his hands. In fact, it wasn’t only his hands. His hair was plastered to his head with goo, his face covered in gloop. From the tip of his nose to the tip of his toes he was covered with gunk, the ectoplasm from ghostly Ivy oozing and dripping off his whole, entire body.

  “She slimed me!” he screamed.

  “Meh,” said Ivy giving a little shrug. “Who you gonna call?”

  chapter thirteen - van the scaredy cat man

  Van Helsing screamed. Ivy stared at him and smiled. Van Helsing kept screaming. Ivy kept staring and smiling. Van Helsing stopped screaming to take a breath.

  “Are you going to do that all day or will you shut up for a while so I can talk to you?” asked Ivy.

  Van Helsing gave Ivy a sheepish look as he dripped ectoplasm-goo on the floor. A ginger tomcat wandered over to Ivy and tried to sniff her. When he couldn’t smell anything he gave Ivy a sideways look and wandered off.

  “I should banish you, evil spirit!” Van Helsing squeaked.

  Ivy shook her head. “I’m not an evil spirit.”

  “You’re not?”

  “I’m not.”

  “You’re not going to drag me to the Hell dimensions and torment me for eternity?”

  Ivy shook her head. “Pretty sure I’m not.”

  “Oh,” said Van Helsing. “Okay. What do you want?”

  And so Ivy tried her best to explain exactly what the children wanted. As Van Helsing cleaned the ghostly goo off himself, Ivy told him how they had been walking past the witch’s house and she had accidentally turned them into monsters. She told him how they had gone to the village and helped out the villagers. She told him how Oswald was stuck as a werewolf. She told him that Nina was a vampire and even told him that she had been grabbed by an owl. She was about to tell him all about Izzy when he interrupted her.

  “I will help you I think,” he said in his up and down sing-song way. “Your friends. Tell them to come in. The vampire-girl, I invite her.”

  Ivy nodded and walked to the door to open it but remembered that she couldn’t. “Erm… a little help?” she said.

  “Ah, so sorry,” Van Helsing said, striding over and flinging open the door. “Your friend has explained things. Come inside.”

  Oswald dived forward, bounding up to Van Helsing and jumping up, putting his paws on the man’s chest and licking his face.

  “Yes, yes,” Van Helsing said, pushing Oswald to the ground. “The full moon?”

  Ivy nodded. “He’s stuck like that.”

  “Pleased to meet you Mr Van Helsing,” said Nina.

  “Call me Van,” said Van Helsing. “You have been day walking?”

  Nina nodded.

  “It is the full moon. Usually you would burst into flames in the day,” said Van Helsing then, suddenly taking a step away from Nina, he continued. “Were you looking at my neck? She was looking at my neck. That vampire-girl wants to bite me!”

  Van Helsing screamed.

  “No she doesn’t,” said Ivy. “Do you Nina?”

  Nina licked her lips and said nothing.

  Oswald kept wagging his tail and staring at Van Helsing.

  “It’s fine, Van,” said Ivy. “So, everyone, Van thinks he can help us.”

  Nina smiled and licked her teeth menacingly at him.

  “Erm,” said Van Helsing. “Please, follow me.”

  The children followed him to a door in the corner of the room which led to a flight of rickety stairs. While Van Helsing strode off in front, they followed, being careful not to trip. At the top of the stairs was a corridor with one door on either side and one at the end.

  “That is my room,” he said, pointing to the left. “I will show you your room but you must never, ever, ever go in the room at the end of the corridor. Do you understand?” />
  “Hang on a second,” said Nina, suddenly realising what Van Helsing was saying. “What do you mean ‘our room’?”

  “If I am going to be helping you...you will be here for a while.”

  “How long’s a while?” asked Nina.

  Van Helsing shrugged. “The last time I did a spell like this it didn’t take long.”

  “See,” said Ivy. “Nothing to worry about.”

  “Probably only a year or two.”

  “What?” chorused Nina and Ivy.

  “Ruh?” barked Oswald.

  “Yes, yes, not much more than a couple of years,” Van Helsing confirmed.

  Suddenly there was a scratching at the door at the end of the corridor, the door that Van Helsing had told the children never to open. Much to Nina and Ivy’s surprise, Oswald bolted down the hallway, skidding to a halt in front of the door and growling and barking madly at it.

  “Oswald!” shouted Nina. “Stop that!”

  Oswald stopped being quite as frantic but was still barking loudly at the door.

  “Oswald!” Nina shouted even louder. “Shut up or I’ll throw you down a well!”

  Oswald made a whining noise but stayed stock still, staring at the door.

  “This is all getting a bit out of hand,” Nina stamped her foot on the wooden floor and pointed her index finger at Van Helsing. “We appreciate your offer to help but… two years? We can’t hang around here for two years! The witch said that she could cure us today…”

  “The witch?!” Van Helsing squeaked. “She must be stopped, she—”

  “Never mind all that,” said Nina.

  “But—”

  Nina vamped out, making her front teeth all pointy and glaring at Van Helsing.

  “Sorry,” he said in a very quiet voice indeed.

  “The witch said she could turn us back if we brought Izzy back to her,” said Nina.

  “And people in the village said you’ve got Izzy,” added Ivy.

  Oswald gave another bark at the door.

  “Oswald’s right,” said Nina. “Seems highly likely Izzy is locked in the tower.”

  Van Helsing whimpered.

  “Speak up!” snapped Nina.

  “She is,” Van Helsing nodded. “I took Izzy from the witch to use in my experiments. And so she couldn’t use her in her evil spells.”

  “You’ve got it all wrong,” said Ivy in a more kindly tone. “The witch isn’t evil. She’s just a bit useless.”

  Van Helsing stared at Ivy, thinking about what the children had said. As he stood there the scratching started again, louder this time. Oswald stared at the door, poised, ready to pounce, to take down whoever it was on the other side. Nina reached forward to the door knob and Van Helsing gave a half-hearted nod.

  Nina looked to Ivy, who gave her a friendly smile and a nod. She gripped the door knob tightly and slowly turned it.

  chapter fourteen - you're coming with us

  The door was heavy and as it creaked open the dank, musty smells of the tower escaped and filled the children’s noses. They stared into the darkness and a moment later a purring noise could be heard before a small, black, cat scampered forward and rubbed itself against Nina’s legs.

  “Awww!” said Nina, reaching down to stroke the cat. “Are you Izzy’s cat?”

  “What are you talking about?” asked Van Helsing. “That is Izzy.”

  “That’s Izzy?” asked Ivy. “You stole a witch’s cat?”

  “Stole is a very strong word,” said Van Helsing. “I took the cat from the witch to stop her doing magic. And so I could use her in my research.”

  “But what I don’t understand is why you wanted her to stop doing magic,” said Ivy. “She was only cross because her magic was going wrong and it was only going wrong because you took her cat!”

  Van Helsing grumbled under his breath. Oswald barked at him and Izzy scampered behind Nina’s legs to hide.

  “She put a spell on my roses,” said Van Helsing, an angry frown draped across his brow.

  “What?” Nina and Ivy chorused.

  “Why would she do that?” asked Ivy.

  “Well, I don’t know, do I?” Van Helsing blurted. “I woke up one morning and my roses were covered in bugs.”

  “Little green bugs?” asked Nina as she picked up Izzy and gave her a tickle under the chin.

  “How did you know?” asked Van Helsing.

  “They’re called aphids,” said Nina. “My mum has them on her roses sometimes. They’re just bugs that like roses… not magic. Just bugs.”

  “Well… erm…” Van Helsing’s face went bright red.

  “I think you need to apologise to that poor woman,” said Nina.

  Ivy nodded in agreement. “And we’re going to have to get a move on, look…” She pointed out of the window; the sun had set.

  “Yes,” said Nina. “We don’t have long. We need to get to the witch quickly or we really will be staying with you for the next few years.”

  Nina, Ivy and Oswald made their way back downstairs with Nina carrying Izzy inside her coat and Van Helsing trailing grumpily behind them.

  “Aren’t you going to put some shoes on?” asked Ivy as the children left the house.

  Van Helsing looked down at his slippers then looked at the deep forest that surrounded them,

  “No,” he said, leaving the house and locking the door behind them.

  The full moon shone down on the ghost, the vampire and the werewolf, lighting their way like an electric floodlight. If you had been a grumpy owl, flying hungrily over the forest, you would have seen the three friends quickly picking their way through, heading back to the village, followed closely by the grumbling Van Helsing. Except that the owl had given up for the night and would try again tomorrow, when she hoped that there would be a smaller chance of accidentally picking up a vampire-girl instead of a bat.

  The gang picked their way through the trees and undergrowth and soon they arrived back in front of the bookshop near the blacksmith’s in the village.

  “Hello?” called Nina.

  “Anyone here?” Van Helsing’s singsong voice shouted.

  The words echoed around the village square but there was no reply.

  “Perhaps they are in the tavern?” said Van Helsing, pointing over to a large building with a sign hanging outside. “We should go in and drink some ale. And if there’s no-one there we won’t have to pay.”

  Nina and Ivy scowled as Van Helsing waltzed towards the tavern.

  “Oi!” shouted Ivy. “You’re not going in there!”

  “But-but…” Van Helsing pointed to the sign.

  “The Laughter Lamb?” Nina wondered aloud. “What does that even mean?”

  “Some of the letters have worn off, I think,” said Ivy. “I think it’s supposed to say ‘slaughtered’.”

  “What? Are you threatening me now?” said Van Helsing, running in a panic back towards the children. “I am not going to become a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities!”

  “What is he on about?” asked Ivy as Van Helsing ran away from the tavern.

  “Ooh… I’ve got an idea,” said Nina. “Oswald, is there a scent you can pick up on? To track where everyone’s gone?”

  Oswald sniffed the air. He turned his head a little to the left, lifted his nose a touch higher and sniffed again, then he let out a wolf-woof that was so loud Nina could feel it echoing in her chest.

  “He has the wolf senses?” asked Van Helsing.

  Ivy nodded, her eyes fixed on Oswald. Bathed in the glow of the moonlight he looked quite scary.

  And then he let out the howl… the full-throated wolf Awoooooooooooooooooooh.

  His jaws snapped closed with a noise like two wooden planks snapping together. The girls said nothing, just stared into the woods in the direction Oswald was trotting.

  “We’re off to see the witch then…” Ivy muttered under her breath.

  “The wonderful witch of odd…” added Nina, forgetting to smile as she s
tared into the pitch black of the woods. “I’m a bit scared.” She reached inside her coat to the pouch she had tucked Izzy in and gave the little cat a stroke.

  “Pah!” Van Helsing shuffled off after Oswald. “What have you got to be scared of? You’re a vampire, silly girl!”

  “Oh yeah!” said Nina with a grin. “Come on then!”

  She and Ivy ran after Oswald and Van Helsing, the four of them soon coming across the white pebbled path and following it quickly through the woods. The closer they came to the witch’s house, the more noise could be heard; people nervously whispering in the distance, branches breaking under foot. The villagers were on their way to see the witch and Nina and Ivy had a bad feeling about what the results would be.

  When they were close enough to see the flames from the villagers’ torches Nina curled her index finger and thumb together, put them between her lips and gave a short, sharp, whistle. Oswald trotted back to her side and Ivy and Van Helsing gathered too.

  “Does anyone know what time it is?” she asked.

  Van Helsing took a fob watch out of his waistcoat pocket and took a look at it. “A quarter to eleven.”

  Ivy yawned.

  “Don’t start that, you’ll set us all off,” Nina scolded. “We haven’t got long before we’re stuck like this so we need to hurry, but I think we should go around the side of the house.”

  Oswald yawned a big, open-mouthed doggie yawn that showed not just his big, pink tongue but also his enormous wolf-fangs.

  “You’ve set him off now…” said Nina, rolling her eyes.

  “Go around the side?” said Ivy, trying to change the subject.

  “Good idea,” said Van Helsing. “You take wolfie. I’ll take Ivy.”

  Nina gave Oswald a tickle behind the ear and he wagged his tail. “Okay, let’s go!”

  And off they went; Ivy and Van Helsing to the left and Nina, Izzy and Oswald to the right. Before they could get into position they heard shouting. It was the villagers. They had gathered the mob in front of the witch’s house but instead of the terrible and useless things they had carried the last time they were a lot more prepared.

  They carried flaming torches. They carried pointy sticks. And they carried pitchforks.